Leading With the Power of a Centurion

Murray Brown

He was at last six inches taller than me, and as he held the pool cue in both hands with two friends on his right and a third on his left the thought occurred to me that a slingshot with a few smooth stones would come in handy right about now!

“Are you throwing me out of youth group?” he asked, with a hint of a dare.

Outwardly I remained calm. The rule had been well established and clearly explained. This was no time to back down.

“No”, I answered deliberately and paused, hoping my voice would not waver. “The rule is that if you choose to come then we expect you to take part in the programme.”

There was a moment’s silence as I held eye contact with him.

He averted his gaze for a moment… laid down the cue, and walked out the door into the night. His friends followed.

I stood there. Relieved. I had signed up for youth ministry to disciple kids – not to do battle with 17 yr old pool cue wielding thugs.

Maybe Jesus would’ve handled it differently, I thought. Perhaps He would’ve asked if He could join in; used the opportunity for a casual conversation in which His insight and discernment would have opened them up question their eternal destiny. At very least He may have called on some divine help to look “cool” to these young people with some fancy pool shots.

But I wasn’t Jesus. And I wasn’t very good at pool (or dodging pool cues). And besides: a rule is a rule and I had a programme to run. If these teenage boys were allowed to play pool during Bible study, half the youth group might show up with pool cues and threatening looking friends next week.

I thought further. Why did he just walk out? Why not hit me with the cue, or at very least say, “I’m playing pool and if you don’t like it your are going have to stop me!” It wasn’t because I was bigger, stronger and more powerful. Maybe it was my position? He wouldn’t hit a youth pastor… a man of God! (Would he?). Or maybe there was something about me that was authoritative – a calmness that covered my inner fears – though which God somehow communicated. (Or maybe he was simply losing the game and I gave him a way to save face).

The Problem of Power

The issue of power in youth ministry is complex. God is all powerful. Jesus’ ministry was characterized with demonstrations of power (Luke 4:14). The disciples received power from on high on the Day of Pentecost – the same power we as youth leaders are to exercise in fulfilling God’s ministry (Acts 1:8).

Yet power also has a more negative side to it. Power can be misused for our own purposes to boost our own egos or cover over our own insecurities. Or, because we are dealing with people at a vulnerable time of life, power can turn into manipulation and be used to coerce or trick young people into doing what we say and want. (1 Corinthians 2:4).

For these reasons, this issue of power and how it is exercised is a good one for the youth leader to examine. If we accept that a good (and less “loaded”) definition of power is “influence”, the question we are faced with is, how do we best exert influence on those whom we lead?

Power, Rule and Regulation

In coming into youth ministry I was aware that there was a certain power invested in me by the God and His church that came to me through position. However, it will come as no surprise to you that putting a sign on my door and a diploma on my office wall did not do a great deal to impress the young people in my youth ministry!

I wondered about speaking loud, looking mean, wearing shoulder pads and platform shoes, and issuing threats along the lines of “Wait until your parents hear about THIS!”. However, none of these strategies struck me as being personally satisfying or ultimately effective in modeling Christian life and love. Besides, I’m naturally a softly spoken “non shouter” who stands at only 5 foot 7 inches and have a innocuous looking face.

While rule and regulation could have some effect as short term extrinsic motivators, what I needed was an approach that impacted young people at a deeper, longer lasting, more intrinsic level.

Power and Relationship

She left the youth group programme looking sullen. She did not want to talk to me and even refused to acknowledge my presence as she walked past me and out the door. But rules were rules and I had to speak to her about the fact she had left the programme to spend time with friends uptown. I’d made it clear to all the young people that the consequence for such action was that we would immediately phone their parents. Yet next week in she came – back to her bubbly self and greeted me with a “Hi” and smile.

Why? I believe because I had taken the time to build a good relationship with her. She knew I cared about her and what happened to her and so, having had the week to reflect, she realised that the “power” I exerted in enforcing rules came out of relationship. The incident was never repeated and was not ever mentioned again.

I was to learn that power, or influence, through relationship is a key principle to grasp, both for parents and for youth workers. As parenting author, Gary Ezzo, comments, “Adolescence is a time when your son or daughter is best served when you lead by your influence and strength of relationship, rather than by the power of your authority. The truth is, once your kids hit the teen years, your relationship – good or bad – is the greatest asset or liability you have.”

In my experience exerting power or influence through relationship takes time, yet can be achieved in two ways. Firstly, learn to be “real”. If godly Christian “power” comes through relationship we can establish this relationship through being real and transparent with young people. Such authenticity enables them to see that we too have our faults and that we too make mistakes. It involves giving them a glimpse into our own relationship with God and enabling them to see that we live willingly under His authority and accept His rule as something intended for our own good.

Secondly learn to use “positive power”. By that I mean, use what influence you have to encourage and affirm young people. Les Christie comments, “Telling young people what they do right is more important than telling them what they do wrong. Tell a young person how much you see him or her maturing and you will see a face light up.”

I recall one of our young leaders saying to me once, “When you asked me to take on leadership I didn’t think I was capable of it. But I said I would do because you thought I could!” So there is a “power” that can be used to exert positive influence on those who we lead. There was an occasion where that same leader was having personality clash with another leader. I had to step in and ensure that they resolved it. My authority in dealing with this was accepted because in this leader’s eyes I had “money in the bank”.

Power and Servanthood

Paradoxically, the youth leader is called to exercise power by the abdication of it. Jesus words in Luke’s Gospel challenge us deeply: “In this world the kings and great men order their people around, and yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Normally the master sits at the table and is served by his servants. But not here! For I am your servant.”

Servanthood on the part of the youth leader is more than just what we do. Yes, we should look for opportunities to serve our young people and to make sacrifices for them. But servanthood is not just about action – it’s about attitude. Some helpful advice given to me as I began youth ministry was to talk to young people with the same attitude of respect I would reserve for my senior pastor. It proved to be good advice.

But this attitude is not something to be adopted as a technique. Rather it comes with a realisation of who we are as leaders.

Power and Role

On arriving in a city to take up my first appointment as youth pastor I recall a sense of responsibility and, dare I confess, pride at taking on this role in a large central city church. I had prayed for God to use me to further His kingdom in influential ways and here was my chance. I immediately looked for others to form a team I could lead and set about establishing “my” ministry the way I felt it should be run. Yet every morning on my way to my office I would run the gauntlet of former pastors - faces, photographed and hanging on the wall. Each morning they would look at me reminding me of the legacy they had left in my church and saying to me, “Don’t mess up!”. My ministry was merely a small part of His ministry in that place – one He had begun 100 years previously. What “power” I had was not about me – it was about Him.

A more sudden wake up call struck me four years into youth ministry. I loved the young people and loved the ministry. For the first time in my life I felt fulfilled – like I was doing something really worthwhile. Yet once in a meeting God spoke clearly to me and said, “Give this ministry up.” And my immediate reaction was, “NO!”.

This incident along with other insights the Lord brought my way taught me my place, my role, in leadership. I was merely a servant of Christ called to serve in His name and to reach out to others equally loved by Him. I was under His power and authority but I stood alongside those whom I led, not to use that power and authority over them, but to point them toward it.

Perhaps nowhere in Scripture is this concept best illustrated than in the following account:
“When Jesus arrived in Capernaum, a Roman officer came and pleaded with him, “Lord, my young servant lies in bed, paralyzed and racked with pain.”
Jesus said, “I will come and heal him.”
Then the officer said, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come into my home. Just say the word from where you are, and my servant will be healed!"

In this centurion we see a man who’s “power” over his servant led him to humble himself before Jesus, pleading for the needs of his servant. What a picture for those of us called to minister to youth.

Lets resolve to be centurions – people who have been given authority and power by man who use this power to serve those whom we lead, while recognising that we are just like them – under the power of the All Powerful, who by grace empowers us to serve Him.

- Murray Brown is the Director of YouthTRAIN