Sweat the Small Stuff

Murray Brown

Recently I was doing some imagining…

I was imagining it was 2015 and I was interviewing the 11-13 year olds that regularly come to our junior youth group on a Sunday morning. In my imagination I was asking them, “What do you remember most about your days in our junior youth programme? Was it the studies I prepared? Or maybe the weekly talks about Jesus?” In my mind the answer came back, “No. It was the fact that every week you stood at the door to the room, greeted us by name and handed us sweets (candy) to chew on.”

Far from discouraging me, that answer got me thinking… Amidst the expectations and deadlines we are faced with in youth ministry it is easy to become so involved in the “big stuff” that we neglect the “small stuff” – those things we do that seem insignificant at the time yet take on great significance in the lives of our young people. Here are seven examples.

Remembering Names

A few years ago I received a letter from a youth pastor who had once been a young girl in our youth group. She had come from another church and attended for about a year when she was 14, before going back to her home church. She concluded her letter with this question. “There is something I’ve always wondered about. The second week I attended youth group you came up to me and greeted me by name. How did you remember my name? I want to know because it made such an impression on me that I want to be able to do it with our own young people.” A couple of weeks ago I received an email from a former student who had met this same woman in the UK. In their email they commented that the person had told them about how I had remembered their name. That strikes me as incredible! After all the Bible studies I wrote throughout that year and all the messages I preached, the one thing that impacted her above all else was that I remembered her name.

Remembering names is a “small thing”, yet to a young person wondering about their value, it can be huge: their busy and important youth leader took the time to learn their name and to greet them with it! It says to the young person, “You are important to me”, and potentially has greater impact than a Bible study that attempts to convince them that they are important to God.

Say thank you

When a young person does something of value or merit – no matter how small or great, take the time to say, “Thanks”. Thanking a person not only shows appreciation. It communicates to them respect – they and the things they do are not taken for granted. This in turn is another way of saying to them, “I regard you as significant and important. I need you.” Again, the impact can be huge on a young person who feels taken for granted in life and are struggling to develop a healthy sense of self worth.

Offer affirmation

Too few young people have in their life significant numbers of people who offer frequent affirmation and praise. It’s possible that a good number of young people in your ministry hear more negative messages about themselves than they do positive. Why not choose to be someone who redresses that balance? By becoming an oasis of affirmation in a desert of criticism we will not only help build self esteem, but we continue to draw young people toward ourselves giving us the credibility to speak into their lives about Jesus and how Jesus sees them.

Affirmation is important but must be done well. When you praise a young person, look them squarely in the eye and speak in a factual tone of voice, as if to say “What I am telling you is a fact!” Avoid hype and over enthusiasm – it can appear insincere.

Send a card

In these days of text messages (SMS), emails and instant messages, the impact of a card inside an envelope with a stamp on is greater than ever. If you were to dig around in my drawer at home you would find cards I have kept from young people and youth leaders. Every so often I pull them out myself and read them. Now if that is true of a grown man how much more must it be true of a teenager struggling with a sense of self worth! Only yesterday I received a post card from a young women who’d been in our youth ministry years ago. She was writing from Europe where she is living with her husband. She ended the postcard with a thank you, reflecting on her years in youth ministry and how significant they have been in her life. Do you think I read that and casually threw it in the rubbish bin? No way! And neither will our young people throw away cards and notes that take just a moment to write, and yet can impact them for years.

Notice when they are absent

One of the stories I often tell in my travels around is about a young man named Lawrence. He was a senior boy in Boys Brigade when I was growing up. I was 12 and he was 18 and he was leading a weekly class. One week I was sick and didn’t attend. The next day he phoned me up and offered to come round and meet with me and cover the material I missed. Naturally I mumbled, “Yes”! The fact that someone as important and as “cool” as Lawrence would take the time to visit “insignificant me”, impacted me greatly. How many reading this could potentially be a “Lawrence” in someone’s life, simply by following up an absentee.

Smile

When our young people think back on us in years to come what image will be burned in their minds? A youth leader madly rushing about trying to get a programme to fly? Someone telling them off for something they have done wrong? Someone who always looked too worried, too busy, too stressed or too tired? Or will they remember someone who used to smile at them whenever they saw them and someone who laughed with them? When our young people think of us will they be left with the impression that we really did enjoy their company? Or will they be left with the impression that they were just a part of our “job”, and occasionally even an inconvenience as we went about our job? Young people often know that as youth leaders we have to love them… but do they get them impression that we like them? Perhaps knowing they are liked is even more powerful than knowing they are loved.

Believe in them

I recall a number of years ago one of our most effective leaders saying to me, “Murray, when you asked me to be a leader, I didn’t think I could do it. The only reason I said ‘yes’ was you believed I could do it!” To be honest, when she told me, I could remember saying that – yet I’m sure I did. She was a very gifted young person, albeit it somewhat “unpredictable” at times! Yet I’ve known for a long time the power of taking the time to express to young people what I know to be true. Perhaps you look at your young people and other youth leaders and see all manner of gifts and abilities. Don’t assume that they see in themselves what you see in them. Invest a very small amount of time and share with them your opinion. It may be the very thing that causes them to believe in their ability to step out and attempt something big for God.

Perhaps…

Perhaps I'm not the only one who needs to imagine. Do you spend hours sweating the “big stuff” while failing to sweat the “small stuff”? Is it is possible that so much of what you do is, in the final wash up, not as important as the things that get left undone?

Is it…?